I was thinking to myself about what to post with this sasstacular get up and I could probably waffle on about sparkles, velvet, fishnets and how much I LOVE this and that… 

Or I could tell you all what I believe is essential for a tip top evening! This would involve mass alcohol consumption, a multitude of sins and zero levels of sobriety...

Step 1, getting ready. Nowadays it is essential to be with at least one friend, however I heartily recommended, you find somewhere for your whole squad to apply the warpaint. Tongs at the ready, the gals will be doing each others hair in a row. YAAASS.

Following on from the make-up room, the music should get a little sassier, 90’s classics booming. One of you will have hiccups from the bottle(s) of Prosecco consumed whilst getting dressed.

Then out comes the hard stuff, the volume of vodka slowly overtaking the diet coke. Bang Bang (Jessie J etc.) comes on shuffle. Assume positions and perform dance routine, just to show off that you still remember all the moves. CHECK. 

Someone yells, the taxi is here. After downing your drink (which you have probably just made, typical.) dash the last of the alcohol into the mixer bottle et VOILA. Journey juice. 

Now, your night could go any way. I’m not gonna tell you how to live your life. But heres a few pointers…

  • You must do at least one shot, preferably TEQUILA. That shit is the one. 
  • You must get on the dance floor. Even if it is swarming
  • If you don't like dancing, get so drunk that you put MJ to shame. 
  • Make a new bestie in the toilet or  smoking area. - I do this EVERY TIME. 
  • Play dares. I’m sure one night, someone had to see how many bald men they could have pictures with?! - FUN right..? 
  • To finish, make sure you know where your drunk munch is coming from. MaccyD’s on the way home is always a gem. 

You will probably end your night with make-up down your face, your legs like a newborn baby giraffe, and shouting as loud as you can the lyrics to Mr. Brightside. 

You’ll wake up in the morning with a banging headache and possibly a nugget plastered to your face. 

No-one will judge you if you eat it. 


Delete all texts from unknown numbers. 

It's better this way. 

Trust me. 

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